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Adventures With Grandpa (tm)
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Tuesday, October 25, 2005
Edition #011
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C O N T E N T S
011.1: Current Condition in Brief
A quick summary of Grandpa's current condition
011.2: Seeing and Hearing Things
Grandpa's odd perspective
011.3: Oh Brother!
Grandpa gets visited
011.4: The Hat
Grandpa gets a free hat
011.5: Lessons in Irony
or How To Drive Your Grandson Crazy
011.6: Grandpa and the Peanut Butter Jar
or The Thief in the Night
011.7: Grandpa Quotable Quotes
Grandpa shows off his literary genius
011.8: Colophon
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011.1: Current Condition in Brief
A quick summary of Grandpa's current condition
It's been a long time since I've written a newsletter and I apologize; I know you've been waiting with held breath for another report. The truth is that so much has been happening and so many things were unknown, that I kept postponing the next edition hoping I'd have some conclusion to offer. A lot has happened and I think the best way to summarize it is with a timeline. Here's a quick timeline of Grandpa's health issues over the past year:
Date Event
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Fall 2004 Switches from two canes to walker
Late Dec. 20O4 Immobile; moves to rehab
Jan. 20, 2005 Moves in with Marc
Late Feb. 2005 Gets total hip replacement (right hip)
March 2005 Spends month in rehab facility
April 2005 Returns to Marc's; has constant upset
stomach and does not eat well
April-Aug. 2005 Stomach upset continues; grows weaker;
Marc suspects new medications; switches
meds to evening, which helps for about
a month, then Grandpa won't eat anything,
even breakfast; Marc talks with doctor
and all meds are stopped; Grandpa still
won't eat.
July 2005 Has swollen legs, body; water retention;
this got so bad he was having breathing
problems; doctor prescribes water pills;
Grandpa goes from 144 lbs to 121 lbs in
two weeks (his normal weight)
Early Aug. 2005 Undergoes gastro-something test to x-ray
insides, digestive system.
Late Aug. 2005 Doctor says Grandpa has mild reflux and
prescribes Pepcid AC; it works: Grandpa
begins eating again
Sept. 2005 Marc contracts with local in-home care
to come twice a week to help with
bathing and other duties
Sept. 20, 2005 Right leg in lots of pain; can't bear
weight; in-home care suspects hip
dislocation
Sept. 23, 2005 Marc takes Grandpa to doctor and suggests
hip dislocation; doctor sends Grandpa to
hospital for x-rays; x-rays difficult for
Grandpa who cannot move painful leg into
the right positions for x-ray.
Sept. 26, 2005 X-rays inconclusive; doctor refers Grandpa
to surgeon who did hip replacement but only
sends x-ray report, not actual x-rays to
surgeon
Oct. 5, 2005 Surgeon finally reports that he cannot see
any problem from x-ray report
Oct. 5, 2005 Visiting physical therapist sees Grandpa
and immediately points out right leg being
3" shorter than left; strongly suspects hip
dislocation.
Oct. 7, 2005 Portable X-ray arrives and takes pictures
of Grandpa's hip at Marc's house
Oct. 11, 2005 Surgeon calls and confirms there is *no*
hip dislocation; wants to see Grandpa
Oct. 17, 2005 We visit surgeon and he takes more x-rays
and confirms no dislocation; he suspects
infection in leg so Grandpa put on
anti-biotics.
Oct. 21/24, 2005 Grandpa begins working with physical and
occupational therapists in-home.
As you can see from the above timeline, we've been having a lot of adventures. At the time things were dark and mysterious and bleak, but in retrospect, things are a little clearer. I haven't been getting much help from the doctors (I'm going to find Grandpa a new doctor as the current one is incompetent and useless) so I've practically had to become a doctor myself.
My theory is that the rehab place put Grandpa on Avandia, a diabetes medication, something Grandpa has never had before (his diabetes is so mild he took no diabetes meds before and didn't even modify his diet). Avandia has stomach upset listed as one of its major side-effects; I think that damaged Grandpa's stomach and caused the reflux trouble he's been having. Of course while at rehab, they gave him a second med that was to calm his stomach down! And it took our idiot doctor _months_ to take Grandpa off the Avandia, and only after I suggested it, when I read of its side effects. I think by that time it was too late; the damage was done. The Pepsid AC seems to be working to allow him to eat, but he still does complain of stomach upset at times, so I know he's still having the problem.
My second theory is that the lack of eating weakened him severely. I saw him go from astonishing upper body strength last spring (he could lift his entire body with his arms) to barely able to stand using his arms as supports. He wasn't eating hardly anything for over a month (possibly half a serving of food stretched out over a whole day) and I think his body started to eat itself for nutrition. He's down to 105 pounds. While I'm not doctor and don't even play one on TV, I now suspect this has something to do with his water retention. That started in mid-summer, about peak of the lack of eating. The doctor cannot tell me why he's swelling and retaining water; it could be the diabetes, his lack of activity, too much salt in his diet, etc. Grandpa's current problem is that the water pills cause him to need to pee all the time and have essentially made him incontinent (he was not before).
The latest twist in the tale is his potentially dislocated hip that turned out to be something else -- yet even there the diagnosis is vague and solutions minimal. Normally with an infection in the femur the surgeon would go in and clean it out, but in Grandpa's condition and age, he doesn't think that's a viable option (i.e. Grandpa would not survive the surgery). So we're trying antibiotics to see if that will kill the infection. But then the pain he's been having may not be caused by the hip but by the knee, which is arthritic and damaged. There's also the theory that the day I thought he might have dislocated the hip -- he woke me up at 5 a.m. with his right leg caught in an unusual position and unable to dislodge it -- he only severely strained his leg and that's why it hurt severely for a week or so but gradually got better (he only complains of knee pain now).
The newest trend is the arrival of physical and occupational therapists who are determined to help Grandpa get more mobile. Today Grandpa walked 15 feet twice, with the help of a walker, and the physical therapist says Grandpa should do that every day. He's even recommending we wean Grandpa off the wheelchair in the future!
This means that perhaps some of Grandpa's current condition and lack of mobility is due in part to lack of exercise and stimulation, not true inability. I had wondered about that at different times, but with all the other maladies effecting him, had larger concerns (like him eating), and as I'm not a physical therapist, I worried about pushing him to do something beyond his capabilities or damaging to his body.
So this is good news. While we still have a ways to go (treatment is just starting), I feel much better having experts come to the house on a regular basis (for some odd reason that's better than waiting two weeks to get a phone call back from the doctor's office). We currently have an in-home care CNA who comes twice a week to bath Grandpa, a nurse who comes twice a week to check up on him and change a dressing on a bedsore he has, a physical therapist who comes twice a week, and a occupational therapist who's going to come once a week for the next month. Wow! My house has become Grand Central Station!
(The cats are loving all the extra attention. I swear last time Nora the nurse was in she spent more time petting Mayhem than attending Grandpa.)
Grandpa's spirits are good. Lately he's been very tired, sleeping all day and going to bed early, but he's eating pretty good (yesterday he asked for extra breakfast). I'm slowly learning to let things go at his pace and not force them. There was a weekend where he ate practically nothing, despite the Pepsid AC and I was very worried, but after a few days his appetite was back with a vengeance, and he was eating quite decent meals. So perhaps everything -- including his sleep patterns -- are cyclic and I just need to let things run their course. That's tough when you're a control freak like me, but I'm learning!
Anyway, we've had our ups and downs lately, but things seem to be stabilizing a bit and we're getting some in-home assistance which is helping a great deal. The future's looking positive.
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011.2: Seeing and Hearing Things
Grandpa's odd perspective
Lately Grandpa's eyesight and hearing aren't as good as they've been. Or perhaps he's getting lazier. Whatever the cause, he tends to make assumptions about what he sees or hears, with occasionally bizarre or hilarious results.
For instance, one day he was telling me how cute the cat looked curled up in the middle of the carpet. I was puzzled, because he was in the living room and Mischief, the black-and-white cat was on the sofa, and Mayhem, the yellow monster, was in the dining room window. "What cat are you talking about?" I asked, looked around.
"Right there." He pointed at my tan slippers, which I'd kicked off when I sat in my recliner.
"Those are my slippers, not a cat!"
"What? Oh, you're right!" Grandpa was astonished and afterward couldn't figure out how he'd ever thought they looked like a cat!
Another time we were watching some TV news during the whole hurricane Katrina thing. This was in the middle of the flooding and the reporter was delivering grim news about dead bodies rising up and floating all over New Orleans. To my horror, Grandpa began laughing at this tragedy!
"Why are you laughing?" I asked. "That's horrible."
"That reporter. He's so funny," Grandpa said. "He said, 'Authorities fear more dead bodies will come to life.' Isn't that funny?"
I was like, "Huh?" So I rewound the report -- one of the benefits of Tivo is allowing you to rewind and pause live TV -- and I played the report back again.
This time, it was clear, though I had to explain it to Grandpa. The reporter actually said, "Authorities fear more dead bodies will come to light." "That's _light_, not _life_," I said. I guess Grandpa's never seen a zombie flick.
Sigh.
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011.3: Oh Brother!
Grandpa gets visited
In August we were privileged to host the visit of Grandpa's brother, Lloyd, and his wife, Nita, and their daughter, Debbie. Lloyd and Nita flew to California from Springfield, Missouri, where they live, and Debbie drove her parents up here to Oregon for a long weekend. It was a delightful visit!
Lloyd's an artist and graphic designer and into Macintosh computers, so he and I have plenty to talk about. He's also a wonderful wise philosopher and we have great conversations. One day I took the whole gang to Storables, a neat container store near Portland that has all sorts of clever kitchen gadgets and space-saving devices. Then he and I went to the Apple Store at Washington Square mall and then to Fry's Electronics, while the women (my mom was along for the ride) went to the mall. On another day we all went antiquing in the tiny town of Lafayette where I live, as it is famous for its antique stores. On both trips I think I was the only one who bought stuff!
Grandpa stayed home but enjoyed the company. Uncle Phil and Aunt Connie (Grandpa's son and daughter-in-law) came for dinner on Saturday night (I served Tilapia with onions over rice). Uncle Keith stopped by the next morning, just in time for fresh waffles, of course.
The gang left on Monday, so it was a short visit, but it was a good one. Grandpa hadn't gotten to see his brother in a few years and with the miles between Missouri and Oregon, it'll be probably be a while before the trip is made again. Grandpa, I think, won't be traveling much any more. He barely leaves the house, and only when he has too, like when there's a doctor's appointment or something. He still likes the _idea_ of traveling, but the realities of it are too harsh.
Photos: Brother Lloyd and his wife Nita visit Grandpa, along with their daughter Debbie, who drove them up from California
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011.4: The Hat
Grandpa gets a free hat
With some hassle, we'd convinced Grandpa to go out to eat with his brother and family on Sunday. We went to a nice restaurant in Newberg, the Yamhill Grill. Grandpa sat at the end of the table in his wheelchair. Another gathering was nearby and they were getting up to leave. I noticed Grandpa staring intently in their direction.
When I looked, I saw a man who was wearing a wonderful American flag baseball cap, all red, white, and blue. Apparently this hat had caught Grandpa's eye and I heard him mubble something about it being patriotic. The man in the hat was smiling at Grandpa, apparently finding him a nice old man. As he passed, the two were locked in a stare. Grandpa wasn't saying anything, just grinning his toothless grin.
"He likes your hat," I said to the man as an explanation, since Grandpa didn't appear prepared to elaborate.
"This hat?" cried the man, taking it off his head and looking at it. He glanced up at Grandpa. "It's yours!" he announced, and before any of us could react, he walked over and placed the hat on Grandpa's head!
Grandpa beamed delightedly, though he was still half-asleep and confused (he'd fallen asleep on the way over to the restaurant). The man vanished with a wave, and Grandpa now has a new hat!
Photo: "Grandpa's 'American' hat, as worn by Teddy. Lloyd (Grandpa's brother) is an artist and promptly personalized the hat for Grandpa (Wildon)."
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011.5: Lessons in Irony
or How To Drive Your Grandson Crazy
In general, Marc and Grandpa get along very well, but that's not to say there haven't been problems. Grandpa's short memory is both a blessing and a curse. It's a blessing when anything negative happens because he's forgotten it moments later. But it's also a source of contention and strife, because Grandpa can't easily learn and he often -- in pure innocence -- does things to drive Marc crazy.
For example, Marc will be in the kitchen getting a drink. While he's there, he'll ask Grandpa, "Would you like something to drink?" Grandpa will respond in the negative; he's fine.
Two minutes later, right after Marc's settled in his chair to watch a soccer game, Grandpa calls out, "Marc? Could you get me something to drink? I'm awfully thirsty!"
This happens, oh, two or three times a day (not just with drink, but with all sorts of things). With a normal person you'd know they're just being annoying, but with Grandpa it's complete ignorance. What happens is the question plants the idea in his head and several minutes later he's ready for whatever it was. (Marc's solution is to ask multiple times and phrase the question in different ways so he's sure he gets the correct answer from Grandpa.)
Planning meals is an adventure. Marc tries to get things he knows Grandpa will like, but gauging Grandpa's appetite is hit-or-miss. If Grandpa sneaks a teaspoon of peanut butter, that's likely to kill his appetite for a half hour or so. Marc doesn't realize Grandpa just ate peanut butter and will ask Grandpa about dinner. Grandpa will say he doesn't want any dinner (he's not hungry). So Marc will mentally rearrange his meal plan, postponing Grandpa's favorite fish he was going to do for the next night, since there's no point in fixing the fish if Grandpa isn't hungry. This throws off all the other meals, and requires complex calculations including expiration dates on meat and external events (such as company visiting, grocery shopping day, or big soccer game night when Marc doesn't have time to cook, etc.) Marc gets all this resolved, fixes a meal for himself (usually something Grandpa can't eat, like steak), settles down to eat, and suddenly Grandpa's hungry and wondering what's for dinner! Arrgghh!
Now Marc's generally a good natured fellow, but he is rather precise and has his own way of doing things. (He suspects it's due to his siblingless upbringing.) Grandpa, of course, is 90 years old and has his own ways of doing things. Lately a source of contention has been a seemingly harmless issue over drinking glasses!
You see, Marc's been a bachelor for quite a while now and he hates washing dishes more than anything. He's used to using the same drinking glass over and over, for weeks at a time (he rinses it between refills). I mean, it's just his germs, and as long as the glass isn't gunky, why waste water and energy washing it?
But Grandpa's old school: he gets a new glass every time he wants a drink. This means he'll go through 5-6 glasses a day, and that drives Marc bonkers (he hates running a half-empty dishwasher). Grandpa will finish breakfast and place his empty juice glass on the plate, right in the sticky yellow egg residue, ruining it for reuse. Ten minutes later, he wants a drink, so that's a new glass. If Marc's lucky, he can reuse that mid-morning glass for lunch, but not always. Marc's been trying to teach Grandpa some new behavior, but so far it hasn't sunk in. Despite days of ranting and complaining, every time Marc brings it up it's a brand new issue for Grandpa, who didn't even realize there was a problem!
But the biggest issue between these two curmudgeons is one of food. Specifically, the waste thereof.
Marc was taught as a child to never waste food. He was taught wasting food is the greatest sin in the world (all the starving people in China, etc.). This is deeply ironic because the one who taught him was his grandfather, of course! Grandpa grew up during the Depression and he never wanted to waste anything. Marc remembers countless meals as a child where his "eyes were bigger than his stomach" and he put too much food on his plate, but he was required to sit at the table until every scrap was gone -- no leaving until the plate was empty. This lesson gave Marc the ability he still has to this day, of being able to eat even when he's not hungry. (Trust him: this is not a skill you want.)
But today Grandpa -- because he's 90 or whatever -- has decided that those old laws don't apply to him. _He_ can waste as much food as he wants, and he often does. He'll serve himself too much and not be able to eat. Sometimes food just doesn't appeal to him, for whatever reason (Grandpa cannot explain). Last Saturday Marc made a wonderful omelette of grilled onions, avocado, tomato, black olives, and cheese, with a side of hash browns, and Grandpa sat and stared at the food for three or four hours, finally dumping it in the trash. He didn't even take a bite! And of course these are foods he loves individually, but for some reason he doesn't seem to like omelettes (he's done this before).
Unfortunately, this causes great turmoil to Marc. Not just because he's the cook and tries to prepare something nice for Grandpa and gets to watch it tossed in the trash, but because the food wasting lessons he learned as a child are so deeply ingrained it actually causes physical pain for Marc to watch food being wasted! His stomach twists in knots and with his vivid imagination, he can feel the ulcer developing. He wants to vomit his belly hurts so badly. It feels like there's an animal inside him clawing at the insides of his stomach.
But what can he do? Arguing with Grandpa is the most futile thing in the world. (Halfway through the debate he's forgotten the topic, let alone all the killer points you made, so he can't even tell that you won!)
Perhaps this is a good lesson for Marc. He's tried to imagine that this is something God wants him to learn. Perhaps those lessons of youth were too severe, too ingrained, and need to be more flexible. (Marc is aware that a portion of his tendency to overeat is due to his unwillingness to throw away food when he's full, but force himself to eat the entire amount, especially when the amount of leftovers is too small for another meal.)
But it's tough. Grandpa taught him too well. Marc has to pause, take a deep breath, and count to ten. He's got to let go of his irritation and distress at watching good food get dumped.
And then he's got to stifle his scream when a half hour later, Grandpa begins rummaging through the kitchen cabinets looking for "something to eat."
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011.6: Grandpa and the Peanut Butter Jar
or The Thief in the Night
If you visit Marc and Grandpa's house, you'll find that there are two jars of peanut butter (Jif, of course, as that's the only edible kind). One is marked with the initials "FWC" because that's Grandpa's jar. This is the story of that jar.
The jar began life as part of a twin-pack, bought at Costco. Its brother was opened to be consumed, and this extra jar was placed in a pantry cabinet. Unfortunately, this cabinet was low to ground, while the normal peanut butter storage place is high on a regular shelf. I never thought anything about this until the first jar was empty and I went to retrieve the new one.
Now my adoration of peanut butter is life-long passion and one I could probably write an entire book about. A highlight event in my life has always been the dramatic opening of a fresh jar of peanut butter. The rich peanut aroma is heavenly, the smooth unblemished surface of the peanut butter jar perfection itself, so wonderful I always hesitate, wondering if I dare mess with such glory. The whole experience almost spiritual. I can distinctly remember moments of joy in childhood whenever it was time to open a fresh jar; I knew that day was going to be special, a lucky day.
So you can imagine my excitement when I went to open this fresh jar of peanut butter. I unscrewed the lid, my fingers tingling with excitement, my nostrils quivering with anticipation of the glorious scent to come. I could hardly wait to rip off that foil seal and expose the creamy ideal inside.
So you can imagine my disappointment and shock when I discovered the foil seal crudely torn, and a huge chunk of peanut confection missing, robbed from the perfection of that unblemished surface. For a moment I thought I'd been gypped: someone had opened the jar at the store and eaten some of the butter!
Then rationality returned and I immediately realized what had happened. At some point Grandpa had been hungry, craving a spoonful of bliss, and unable to reach the open Jif on the upper shelf (probably not even realizing where it was), he found this one and raided it!
So why does this jar have Grandpa's name on it, you ask? Well I made the mistake one day of leaving the jar on the table. I watched as Grandpa used his spoon to help himself to a mouthful. A few hours later, when I passed, I caught Grandpa doing the same thing again.
"Hey, is that the same spoon you used before?" I asked.
He shook his head. "This is the first spoonful I've gotten."
"No it's not. You had some at breakfast. You just put the spoon that was in your mouth back into that peanut butter!"
"No I didn't."
I look in the jar. My brain is highly attuned to the volume characteristics of Jif; instantly I knew that there was considerably less peanut butter now than when I'd finished putting it on my waffles at breakfast. At least four or five spoonfuls were missing. It dawned on me that Grandpa had spent the whole morning eating from the peanut butter jar!
So Grandpa now has his own personal jar of peanut butter. If you like his germs and come to visit, you're welcome to a taste; otherwise you can share from my jar, which, I assure you, does not suffer from double-dipping.
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011.7: Grandpa Quotable Quotes
Grandpa shows off his literary genius
Grandpa often makes strange sounds -- moans and groans, burps and belches -- and in an effort to encourage him to be more intelligible, I'll often pretend I thought he was attempting speech and I'll say, "What did you say?"
Usually he's just confused; most of the time he wasn't even aware that he made a sound. Other times he just says he was moaning or coughing. But the other day he came up with a classic. He was at the dining room table waiting impatiently while I prepared breakfast when he made a strange burp-cough-groan sound and so I said, "What was that? What did you say? I couldn't understand your words."
He responded, "That was a 'gutterance.'"
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011.8: Colophon
Publication Title: Adventures With Grandpa (tm)
Frequency: Occasionally
Price: $1,000,000 per issue
Publisher: Marc Zeedar
Author: Marc Zeedar
Photographer: Marc Zeedar
Copyright: Contents (photos and text)
(C) 2005 by Marc Zeedar
All Rights Reserved
Telephone: 877-364-5922
Website: http://www.zeedar.com/grandpa/
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make suggestions or complaints; report typos or errors;
send millions of dollars; or send Grandpa or Marc a comment,
send email to .
If you'd like to telephone Grandpa (he loves to hear from
people and he'll chat like the wind though he won't remember
the call ten minutes later), you may call him toll-free at
877-364-5922.
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